A sociopathic bounty hunter prowls the streets of a sweaty, sleazy neon metropolis in search of his next kill.
No amount of cybernetic augs and implants can satisfy his darkening desires.
Stylish cyberpunk thriller and fearless meditation on what it means to be human, BRUTALE marries lust and violence in a dazzling near-future cocktail.
STEVEN J SHELLEY writes cyberpunk and science fiction.
The first one of the Free Will series by author I. M. Probulos poses a very simple question: What would have happened if Eve refused to eat the apple in the Garden of Eden? For seven days we follow God, Adam, Eve, and the nefarious snake as they discuss and debate the pros and cons of knowing the difference between good and evil. The fall of man was the single most important decision mankind ever faced. This is a "tongue in cheek" retelling of the story with a completely different ending.
Adam and Eve Revisited asks you to consider numerous issues: good and evil, the goodness of God, free will, damnation by probability, and, of course, when did snakes learn to talk anyway? This humorous, insightful, and thought-provoking tale will make you wonder-what could have been?
Most non-believers and skeptics will recognize the numerous references and jokes contained within. For the faithful, this version may make you uncomfortable but, hopefully, like other I. M. Probulos publications, it ...
Calgary is a big cosmopolitan city now. It continues growing away from its history of a western frontier town.
Yet, the world is still a small place as stories of gangsters, drunk doctors, police officers, demolitions experts, a poetry reading group, two young boys, and Loch Ness will all collide in the unlikeliest of ways. All this during one of Calgary's unpredictable winters... but wait five minutes, it might change.
Oh, and the gangster's mother. She would be rather upset if she were not mentioned.
No dinosaurs were harmed in the writing of these stories.
This is a collection of stories from the first edition of the Childress Children Books Series. Best selling author Geryn Childress has a very unique way of telling stories that kids around the world find fascinating, entertaining, and down right funny. His books are classics that will be enjoyed by your kids for many years to come.
"Mondays With Morty" is a humorous spoof of some of the most iconic books about success, from "Think and Grow Rich" to "The Secret." Every week 85-year-old Morty Goldberg teaches a new success lesson to young Walter Dill who is deferential and naïve. Morty is a retired businessman who drinks heavily, gambles a lot, and has an over-sized libido. He also swears like a sailor. His lessons are often absurdly flawed and comically confusing. Although a friendship develops between the elderly mentor and his young pupil, Walter pays a price again and again for Morty's twisted advice. Adult language.
This is my first book. It chronicles the progress of me, my wife, Laura, and our pets, from a luxurious and complicated, stress-laden life in the city of Glasgow, Scotland to our new home in the depths of rural New Zealand.
I trained and worked as a dentist in Scotland and, as the book begins, I am in the process of coming to terms with the notion that our life is too expensive and the stresses too immediate for our continuing sanity. We decide to sell everything we own and move to a more pastoral life elsewhere.
The decision made, and the destination for our new life chosen almost at random, the location moves swiftly to our new home in the subtropical far north of New Zealand, where, with a combination of determination, hard work and a healthy dose of naivety, our new life develops.
Gradually, we make new friends and acquaintances, meet some very unusual and interesting characters, and grow to love the once unfamiliar surroundings, until we can truly call our tiny farm a ...
Derek travels from child to confused adult, from reporter for the local paper to any job available, doing everything he thinks he should, but doing it his way. Pursuing life and employment leads Derek to fling himself into the sort of sticky situations he won't want to have to explain to his friends or his family. With determination, gritting his teeth, doing everything for the best, how could anything go wrong. Current titles by Mac Black Please... Call me Derek Derek's in Trouble and coming soon - Derek's Revenge
I, like most people on the planet, have become a great fan of social media and in particular, Facebook. During the last six months I have been posting daily. Firstly, it was 'Words of Wisdom' and then I moved on to 'Life is... ' Some of my thoughts were philosophical, others humorous. Sometimes I added photographs and emojis or I dedicated certain sayings to individual people. On a couple of occasions I even added a short story telling the inspiration behind the quotation, for example... 'Life is about turning left instead of right and having an adventure!'
I noticed that I was getting a lot of those 'like' clicks and friends seemed to be enjoying my humble daily offering. I had an idea... put all of my posts into a short book and publish them. I have placed one of the 'Words of Wisdom' each page and the' Life is... ' quotations follow with some illustrations, either photographs from my albums or downloads from the Net under creative commons licence. All the acknowledgements may be ...
You think you know the world of magical boarding schools? Not from a teacher's perspective at a school for at-risk youth.
Clarissa Lawrence is the daughter of the wickedest witch of all time who was also the most dangerous headmistress ever to serve at Womby's School for Wayward Witches. Clarissa would love to be the dark arts and crafts teacher, but until she learns to control her magic, she's stuck being the fine arts and crafts teacher.
As much as Clarissa Lawrence wants to share the joys of watercolors with her students, she knows it's going to take more than literacy strategies and art therapy to help students survive against soul-sucking Fae after graduation. She's going to need to learn magic ASAP if she's going to help her students, survive her tutelage under an evil magical mentor, and figure out who's trying to kill her this quarter.
When Clarissa finds her mother's diary outlining her experiments with the Fae Fertility Paradox, she is desperate to uncover the ...
As featured in The Guardian.
For a community of British ex-pats settled in the rural Akrotiri region of Crete, living the dream is what it's all about. Life should be like a holiday - pure sun, sea and sand with a bit of work thrown in for good measure.
But for newcomers Ed and Lauren and their two small children, the dream takes a sour turn when their paths cross with devious property dealer Jeremy and his frosty girlfriend Susannah. And they're not the only ones who begin to question whether a life in the sun is all it's cracked up to be...
Becoming a travel rep in Crete is the best decision Georgie has ever made - especially when she starts a steamy affair with her landlord. However, when she bumps into an old adversary, she can't resist a spot of sweet revenge and things soon start to get out of hand.
Meanwhile, restaurant owners Becky and Yiannis are finding their love-struck teenaged daughter Sophia too much to handle. And their good friend, lonely artist Stafford, ...
Be careful what you wish for. This morning I wished everyone would just disappear so I could get some peace and quiet. Now here I am, bobbing around in an empty ocean trying to remember how long a human being can live without water. Caution: contains swearing, bad singing, self-pity and bodily functions.
Vol 2 is packed with entertaining stories.
These sixty short stories transport you from steampunk cities to Aztec treasure, from scientific discoveries to new inventions, from a child' painful logic to a dragon's wisdom.
Expect the unexpected, these tales are entertaining to the very last word
Who wants to go on holiday when they are ill in bed? Kitty Finch does not so she does her best to get out of the annual family holiday but no, her parents are having none of it so she is going to Turkey whether she likes it or not. Since they will probably kidnap her if, she does not comply and come willingly while she never imagined part of that sentence actually coming true on this trip. Anyway, they are soon off to the airport where her nightmares begin and not for the only time on this holiday does Kitty wish that she had stayed in bed and had not bothered getting up. Not that she wants to appear ungrateful about going on a five-day all-inclusive package holiday in the sun during the school half-term in October, it is just that she will be face-to-face with her ex-husband who she hasn't seen since the wedding fiasco and the less said about that the better.
Anyhow, things start looking up for Kitty when a new man comes into play but it also sees Kitty trying to avoid trouble she ...
You think you know the world of magical boarding schools? Not from a teacher's perspective at a school for at-risk youth.
The ghosts of boyfriends past are haunting Clarissa Lawrence, the most unmagical teacher at Womby's School for Wayward Witches.
She has visions of Julian, the dead boyfriend she killed in self-defense, and worries his ghost intends to harm her. She finds a coded message from her high school sweetheart, Derrick, who has been captured by the Raven Court. Clarissa must resort to drastic measures in order to break his curse and free him from the Raven Queen. To complicate matters, a virgin-obsessed unicorn is crushing hard on Clarissa and threatens to ruin her plans of saving the man she loves.
When Clarissa's problems aren't filled with her exes, they are filled with hexes. Everything in her life revolves around letting go of her past so she can accept her future. Clarissa must save Derrick before the Raven Queen gets him for good, even if it means she must join ...
Let's say that each year, you hold in your hand, the latest marvel of technological wizardry. Something lifechanging, like a smart phone perhaps or possibly a gadget even more demanding. Life moves on taking its science with it. A science that continues to expand at an ever-increasing rate, as it is doing now. Soon it will not be every year but every month, or even every day when you are confronted with some new technological marvel. Do you wonder how you might cope? Would you be beguiled or perplexed? In control or out of your depth? With more questions than answers and nothing to be done that might change the course of events; you would simply be swept along by the rush of it. Wouldn't you? Welcome to your future.
But then, due to a mathematical uncertainty time slows down and confounds us all. Why... ? An intrepid band of adventurers look for an answer, weaving a thread of science and mysticism that they follow it to an astonishing outcome.
If you do not have a whacked out sense of humor please refrain from buying this bucket full of foul-mouthed chaos. This book is a romantic comedy that is riddled with F-bombs and a variety of other colorful expletives that are sure to peel the paint off the walls. There is talk about vaginas, cockalicious peens, and a pregnant woman crazy enough to stab a fool in the neck. So, if you can handle a group of crazy, gutter-mouthed, ganja smoking best friends then, by all means, read the damn book! I guarantee you're either going to laugh 'till you pee or sit in a corner and cringe. Either way, I nailed it!
THIS BOOK IS INTENDED FOR READERS 18+ AS IT CONTAINS EXPLICIT SEX AND PROFANITY.
"Welcome to Beautiful Ink. One of these bitches will be right with you."
When Harlow Gentry re-opened the doors to Beautiful Ink with her six best friends she never would have thought that it would sustain as the hottest tattoo shop in town. Keeping up ...
When Amanda Tate's "dead" husband Bailey shows up very much alive in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida, he's eager to resume the life he's missed. The single thought of returning to Amanda kept Doctor Bailey Tate alive in the remote jungle where his plane went down.
But Amanda is not the sweet, submissive wife he left behind. She has a successful career as the host of a television baking show and is about to marry Bailey's ex-partner. Still, she finds herself struggling to resist Bailey's powerful male magnetism.
Bailey understands winning back Amanda's trust won't be easy but he's willing to do anything to earn back her love.
SINCE YOU'VE BEEN GONE earned a five-star rating when it was originally published. "A blast from the past. Very highly recommended," said one reviewer.
This revised and expanded edition promised even more romance and humor than the original.
Smart. Sensational. Stunning. For over a thousand years, checkmate has been the ultimate mental victory. Quite rightly, the emerging sport of chess boxing regards it as the only alternative to physical knockout. Winning feels good, but can a book ever deliver that crushing sensation?
I think so.
Over the course of 1001 progressive tactics, this book trains the reader to visualise, calculate and reflect. Each position is picked, unedited, from a real game between everyday club players. Each problem is followed on the next page by the solution.
Why this chess book and not any other?
This book is the result of an analysis of over 50 million amateur games. Over several months, a computer searched for every forced mate, before rejecting all but the most elegant for final publication.
Now in its second edition, this book is designed to be a fast and effective improvement course for all chess sportsmen.
"Maybe it's time to set aside intellectualism and celebrate the wonders of things that can't be explained."
The Earth has stopped rotating and no one seems to notice or care, except for bleeding-heart super model Venetia DeMille. While Mother Earth begins to fade into a silent death, Venetia clings to hope. She solicits the help of a scientist to help, but no avail.
Not to be hindered in her quest to save the Earth, Venetia sets out on a journey around the world to find like-minded people and caring souls - an exuberant youth, a magical healer and a man of God. Although together they are able to rekindle faith, their effort still does not provide results. It is a mysterious meeting of four horsemen that carry them to the east where they experience a connection to the earth and each other.
Could the forces that gather with their united efforts prove to be the remedy to save the planet?
The era of the yummy mummy has finally gone and to celebrate, Shari Low has taken a baby wipe to the glossy veneer of the school of perfect parenting with Because Mummy Said So. This collection of hilarious memories tells the truth about motherhood in all of its sleep-deprived, frazzled glory. No judgement, no impossibly high standards, no perfect day - just real life and a whole lot of chaos that every experienced, new or soon-to-be parent will relate to.
Embarrassing mistakes, disastrous summer holidays, childhood milestones, tear-jerking nativity plays, eight bouts of chickenpox and that time when a three-year-old superhero locked himself in a toilet... this is one imperfect mum's tales of the ups, downs and unforgettable moments of parenthood.
New for 2019
Raising Draconas Series / Book Three
She came. She saw. She conquered.
Azzah sat with his mouth wrapped around a Wasaberry tart wishing it was the taste of his fated one. His one and only love the Great Dragon created just for him. It was the only way he could find solace in the days after Ursula's death.
He sighed as depression and guilt weighed on him. Well, I can dream about my 'fated one'. Can't I?
Ursla was now six moon cycles dead and he was still depressed, lonely and bored. He knew Ursla didn't love him, so why did it matter? Well, at least she was company.
She was his mate but she wasn't his fated one. They both knew that. But she still pursued and mated with him, thus gaining more power and more wealth.
In exchange, she was his companion and she took care of the huge villa behind him. She refused to have younglings and quickly quit sleeping with him. She said he was childish and disgusting. She! She! She!
That rejection was probably for the ...
Do you love Dilbert cartoons?
Is your idea of a great read, The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy?
Fans of Scott Adams and Douglas Adams are going to love Harvey Drinkwater & The Cult Of Savings.
When a loveable idiot rises to the top of a big corporation, what could go wrong? Well, as it turns out... EVERYTHING!
Harvey Drinkwater was miserable at the Zipper Emporium. He and Hilda didn't see eye to eye. Mr Dortmann thought he was an idiot. But Fate had a surprise for him. Globallica, the biggest corporation in America was building a skyscraper in Ocean City and it needed purchasing agents. His big chance had come. Harvey enters the wacky world of Globallica's Purchasing Department where logic and common sense take a back seat to a whirlwind of crazy characters, questionable ethics and executive shenanigans. Despite one madcap misadventure after another, nothing can stop Harvey's career from fast-tracking him to the top despite every gaff and fumble he makes. Can Harvey survive ...
This is a book about every country in the world, most of the information are fun facts and trivia or just simple information.
This is not an encyclopedia and it includes a variety of facts about each country. Depending on the facts that could be found and are considered interesting, some countries have such a love for football/soccer, which I could not write about Uruguay without writing about the FIFA World Cup in 1950.
The compilation of facts and trivia was made after research, checking and finding what would interest most people.
This is not an useful book about about every country in the world, this is intended to be a funny and informative trivia about all countries in the world, that will make you look a person with so much knowledge that you will impress everyone.
Imagine yourself after reading this book, and saying "Did you know there is an Air Force that has a logo with a flightless bird? The logo of the Royal New Zealand Air Force is the kiwi, a flightless bird.". ...
'WARNING' - May contain some crude Scots dialect, dark, graphic humor and a couple of home truths.
Take a wee break from the project fear and smear campaigns and Gordon Brown's retirement home spiel about a divided country and how a vote to stay in the UK is a vote to stay in Europe blah, blah, blah... Why not put your feet up instead, put the kettle on, make a wee relaxing brew, and spend some good, fun, quality reading time, inside a wee Edinburgh cafe with its weird, wonderful, wacky, and just as f##ked up as the lying politicians themselves, customers and staff, during one screwed up and unforgettable crazy day - The day of the Scottish referendum.
If you enjoyed books like - Fear and Smear: The Campaign Against Scottish Independence by Pat Anderson - The Dream Shall Never Die: 100 Days that Changed Scotland Forever by Alex Salmond - Disunited Kingdom: How Westminster Won A Referendum But Lost Scotland by Iain Macwhirter - Project Fear: How an Unlikely Alliance Left a Kingdom ...
When did you last see a Chimpanzee in Dungarees, laughing at a Sexist, Racist and Homophobic Comedian sat next to a Newly Wed Virgin holding a Baby Called Keith and eating a Meat Paste sandwich while drinking a pint of Mild? And how long is it since you went to a Tupperware Party attended by a member of the Deferential Working Class, a Football Maverick, Bus Conductor and Streetwise Dog? And have you recently seen anyone sporting a Woollen Balaclava and Shellsuit in a Reliant Robin with a Pools Coupon Collector and Spinster wearing an 18 Hour Girdle in the back? What about a Hitchhiker thumbing a lift from a Scary Biker, a Rebel Teacher and an Unrepentant Politician all on their way to enjoy Hogmanay in England? Or a Martian with a Hitler Moustache having a game of Blow Football while eating Pineapple and Cheese on a Stick and listening to an Ugly String Quartet playing England's World Cup Squad Song? Or how about a Rock Star Planning to Retire, Squatting in a One Screen Cinema, with ...
People call him Buttcrack. He's in his early thirties and he's re-enrolled in high school. The other kids think he's a creepy loser. One day a kid asks him to buy beer for his party and Buttcrack figures this is his chance to fit in. But he loses his wallet and the lady at the liquor store won't sell him booze without an ID. To make things worse, his girlfriend won't help and a group of crazed rednecks keep harassing him. But he's a man on a mission. He's determined to party with teenagers. No matter the cost!
Vanity, fear and control; is this a path to happiness?
Written fresh out of the author's years in consulting, this tough and unorthodox novel will give you a lot to think about.
Meet Vittal. He is a self-and-dad-made man carrying his family's expectations on his shoulders. He has landed a vocation to work for the most renowned, most secretive, highest-priced, most entrusted, most detested organisation of all times. Vittal should be happy, or maybe frightened, after he is told that he will work with people with an unusual quality of character and, with time, he will become those people. When he meets Peter who reeks of success like a true world shaper, Vittal clings to the saving idea that he wants to become him. But as he climbs through stages at Enterprise over the next decade, life loses its meaning and he grows into a swinging smudge of mortality that advances and retreats with his employer's tides. He is lonely, surrounded by emotionless, manipulative schemers, under a haunting ...
London, Dec. 1985. Newspapers are changing.New technology and increased competition are transforming the industry. Metropolitan newspapers are moving from Fleet Street's narrow alleyways to modern industrial complexes on the edge of town. For Nobby and his down-and-out friends, this is a real threat. Newspapers mean warmth and life. At night, as the next day's editions are printed, hot air is vented out onto the side streets from the rolling presses, providing a vital refuge from the freezing temperatures for those who call the streets home. Who knows more about what happens on the street--vagrants or journalists? When does crusading journalism become gutter press? Who then, better to publish a newspaper than a group of down-and outs? Seen through the eyes of Spencer--a small boy whose assistance is required if the venture is to succeed--Nobby's Diary is a cautionary tale, focusing on trust, power and influence. Oh... and fake news."
This is a digest of small stories and tales that happened in the 50 states of the USA. Every state has a funny story to tell, and in here you can find several of them for each state.
The compilation of facts and trivia was made after research, checking some facts and names, and finding what would interest most people. This is not supposed to be a useful book about every state in the USA, this is intended to be a funny and informative trivia about all the States, including the District of Columbia.
For example, did you know:
The city of Industry in California has a population of 219, but is home to 80,000 jobs.
If Texas was an independent country, it would rank as the world's seventh largest producer of greenhouse gases.
Contrary to popular belief, Washington was not built on a swamp, maybe only 1 percent was built on swamp.
The New York State legislature has a "Bear Mountain Compact", an agreement among legislators to keep extramarital affairs and other embarrassing ...
A very funny collection of true stories.. a catalogue of hormonally induced lies, cunning, deceit and abject stupidity.
example -... he crashed straight through the door and tore off down the road amidst a shower of shattered glass and splintered timber. "I knew straight away it was Blake in the video" recalled Chippy later, "Cos he's got Ayia Napa 2006 tattooed on his arse."
example - "Lauren Cottingham is dating a merchant banker from Morgan Stanley" he continued, "I don't know much about him, but he drives a red Ferrari and plays polo at weekends. By contrast William you deliver pizzas on a moped and play Candy Crush saga at weekends"...
IS YOUR LOVE LIFE IN TATTERS? COULD THIS BE SOME UNSEEN MEDDLING FORCE? COULD THIS BE THE GHOSTS OF CURMUDGEON AVENUE?
The Ghosts of Curmudgeon Avenue goes on to pull the reader into a quirky and zany tales of the previous and new inhabitants of the residence complete with gossip, paranormal activities and ageing musicians. Oh, and did I mention the narrator of the story is the house? This aspect definitely makes the book unique. (Booker T's Farm blog)
The writing style is quirky, funny and engaging. Tracey's Year in Books
The writing is quirky, frenetic, warm, engaging, funny and endearing. It was like coming home to old friends, the moment I started this book. Against The Flow Press
The house on Curmudgeon Avenue should be happy now, the nincompoop residents have all met their sorry ends. But they haven't quite left... now that a new family move in can the house find peace? Or are the ghosts of Curmudgeon Avenue going to interfere with the goings-on, romance and dramas that ...
33,000 Laugh-out-Loud words!
"***** - Hilarious. I could recommend to anyone who wants a good laugh." -
"***** - Very amusing... easy reading. A+" -
Paul Day Chronicles - Love For The Very First Time
(From the days of 1992)
Do you remember falling in love for the first time?
Those tingly feelings that wriggle and jiggle around in your stomach?
Feelings that, for the first time, didn't come from a ride on a rollercoaster or appear a couple of hours after another of your Mum's undercooked Chicken dinners!
The loss of appetite?
That wasn't caused by your Mum's announcement that she was cooking another Chicken dinner!
The feeling that you've met the one that you know you want to spend the rest of your life with?
That special, indescribable time?
For Paul Day that time was 1992, with a girl named Louise Knight.
But is true love really worth it, when you are faced with having to attend geeky, after-School clubs or having to constantly let your friends ...
After several years of living life in the fast lane, bestselling novelist Marny Ottwiler vows to take control of the chaos that has invaded her everyday existence. This proves to be easier said than done. Over the next year she rides a roller coaster of experiences that she chronicles in hilarious detail. Follow along as she navigates through fame, family, friendships, and the writing of her next blockbuster series of books. Oh yeah, and the choice she has to make between two loves.
Timeless religious/spiritual jokes are wisely and humorously recollected and revised. In another word, the book has taken the mickey out of all religions, LOL. They say if you read this book, you will go to hell. But, hey, where would you get fun as much as in Hell, all the great dancers, movie stars, painters, singers, poets, musicians, comedians are there; so, the music is there, dance is there, drama is there, painting is there, and, most important of all, fresh laughter is there. Would you still think twice before reading this book? So, for God's sake, let's read it and laugh all the way to goddamn hell that is burning with laughter, LOL.
'Not so fresh' from his robbery-rich tour backpacking through Europe, our hero (?) Bryn Parry is supplied with the stella-surprising news that the girl he has loved from afar has buckled under ten years intense pressure and has agreed to join him on a five day break in Mallorca... as 'just good friends'... obviously.
'One thing doesn't lead to another' and the singletons return home from the Balearics damper and even more frustrated (at least, one of them was)... Could Cupid tackle his toughest assignment of all time and manage to forge some sort of hankie pankie for this golden twosome amongst the sultry, rhythm-infused, climes of Cuba and in the vastness which is The United States... ? I do hope so... because the two of them have to face 'yet another robbery', 'swim with a pair of sexually obsessed dolphins' and 'sleep in the most haunted hotel in The Americas'... amongst other phenomena of the bizarre. Let's all wish them the best of luck!
Like most college campuses, Cornick College administrators are challenged by numerous problems, sometimes without success.
That is until Hettie Ardoin enrolls in the college. She's not your average first-year college student. Hettie is a voodoo priestess, descended from the most famous voodoo priestess of them all, Marie Laveau, who ruled New Orleans in the 1800s.
Hettie's voodoo powers come in handy to help dormmates cope with nasty professors, abusive boyfriends, dorm life, campus politics, and even their sex lives.
Her spells seem to work. Or do they?
After she takes a psychology course, Hettie begins to doubt the voodoo powers she thought she'd inherited from her mother. Confused, Hettie reconsiders all she believes is true about the voodoo religion. She wonders who she is if not a voodoo priestess.
Strange events provide an answer to that question.
Reclusive black widow romances vindictive bad boy billionaire!
Sexy and funny! You'll fall in love with this humorous romantic comedy!
Astrid Phillips is the only one of her friends that isn't working. She married well when she was just twenty years old to an older man. When her husband died suddenly, people accused her of murdering him for his money. Since she didn't need to work she stayed at home and tried to avoid the judging eyes of her community. She didn't mind calling in a favor from her best friend and agreeing to clean the house of Garrett Townsend, the once partner of her deceased husband and crusader of the anti-Astrid movement.
Garrett Townsend is expecting anyone but the stormy Astrid to come barging into his house. To make up for his lack in judgment he does everything he can to make her life hell. He throws wild parties and shows her how a billionaire bad boy bachelor lives just so she'll have to clean it up.
Astrid is forced to spend time with Garrett to save her ...
YOUR PARANOIA IS JUSTIFIED
Some days, you feel as if the people who have control over your career are plotting against you, scheming to thwart your advancement, maligning your reputation, and sabotaging your efforts. You imagine them sitting in a cozy office, relaxed, their feet up, shaking their heads and laughing at your pathetic attempts to advance. They see you as one would see a mouse trying to climb out of an oily, stainless steel barrel. Firing you to put you out of your misery would be like kicking over the barrel and crushing you. Should they do it? Not sure, maybe...
You hear laughter from the office and when they finally issue forth, they are still laughing and asking each other where they should go to lunch together. They troop out of the building with all the energy and enthusiasm that morbid co-conspirators always have.
I would like to tell you that you are wrong, that there is no evidence of such sinister activity, and that you will accomplish much more if you look at ...
Rude, charming, funny and offensive. Tripping the Night Fantastic is a dark comedy about a writer, Charlie Deavon, who attempts to solve a murder that he is accused of while under the influence of a new hallucinogenic drug called Merlin. Struggling with reality and suspecting he might be a character in a novel, Charlie trips and hallucinates his way to the solution of this unique and uproariously funny murder mystery.
REVISED EDITION - March 2020:
The first book in the Captain Shoelace trilogy, this is an introduction to the crazy world of Captain Shoelace. A hilarious tale of the first year of his life in the English village of Effam. Split over the four seasons, each section focuses on a themed situation. The Captain's life accelerates into a living nightmare, as he vainly endeavours to impress the villagers. This warning to all that pretentiousness does not pay, features colourful characters, wordplay, moderate sexual innuendo, and bizarre incidents.
"He replied; Mr Tarantula, the idea that you could consider yourself on the same social level as an officer of the realm is utterly ridiculous. My good fellow, what would the Queen say if she found out that I was on first name terms with somebody like you!"
"Would you like a vol-au-vent?
No thank you Mrs Johnson, I'm saving myself until I get married.
The misadventure continues in the sequel book 'CAPTAIN SHOELACE Phoenix', and concludes with ...
In the fifth book in this series, Lt. Dekker gets an advance warning that he might be investigating a couple of murders when two people turn up missing after a high school reunion. When those bodies do indeed turn up, the lieutenant and his sergeant sidekick go to work. They start by interviewing everyone who attended that high school reunion. In their favor is the fact that not a lot of people attended the reunion, but it doesn't help them any when they find out that everyone hated one of the victims, but none of them appear guilty of murder.
Someone is trying to kill celebrated author Dylan St James. But who would want him dead? And why? And who the hell shoots someone with a harpoon, anyway?
Disgruntled, failed crime writer, Freddie Winters, spends his days conning old ladies, setting up fake book signings, sneaking into literary festivals uninvited and lamenting his lack of success. When his old Friend, Dylan, turns to him for help, Freddie agrees to use his own limited detective skills to find out who's behind the murder attempt.
With a group of suspicious ex-wives, a jealous rival, a crazed stalker fan and an exploding postman to deal with, Freddie soon stumbles upon a catalogue of crazy behaviour and a truly bizarre motive for murder. But can he stop the killer before it's too late?
Private Detective Bob Roosevelt is not your normal private eye. Roosevelt is an old hippie, war vet, who is desperately trying to find his center and the love of his life, but everytime he seems to be gaining ground he falls smack dab in the center of a murder. To top it off he is saddled with a not so nice guardian angel who thinks Roosevelt is boring and in all truth wants to be the guardian angel for a rock star. A funny fast track through our zanny modern world played out through a cast of characters your mother warned you about. There are with so many twists and turns and laughs in A Bucket Full of Lies you will be kept guessing until the very last page. There has to be someone who tells the truth. Or is there? Book 1 of 4.
The author and her husband devised a simple plan - to take a tent and the dog and drive around the perimeter of France. Like many simple plans it went wrong before it started and they ended up with two dogs and a campervan named Tinkerbelle.
Starting in Brittany, they motorhome along the Atlantic Coast south to the Pyrenees, then follow the Mediterranean resorts to the Alps before juddering off towards the north coast across terrifyingly high mountain causeways.
But on the second day of their journey Tinkerbelle begins to self-destruct, helped by the new dog who does his best to eat her from the inside out.
This is their story, as they travel from sandy beaches to snow-topped mountains exploring the diverse cultures, cuisines and countryside making up the country called France.
Their journey takes them to places out of the ordinary, meeting interesting characters and witnessing ancient traditions.
While the dogs rejoice in the freedom they find running on the beaches, Susie ...
Jokes: Funny Jokes, Riddles & Stories for Kids
In this book you will find tons of awesome jokes and stories that will certainly keep your children laughing throughout the entire book! You may even find that these jokes make you laugh, too! While they are jokes for kids, it doesn't mean the whole family won't find the humor in these!
You will find jokes from knock-knocks to riddles, "What would you get if... ?" and more! All of these jokes are acceptable for kids of any age, and can certainly be enjoyed by anyone as well. This hand-picked selection of jokes is created to feature original and less-known jokes only, so you will not have to worry about hearing the same jokes over and over. It is definitely not your run-of-the-mill or average joke book!
If you are ready for some laughs from our jokes and to want to share some fun memories with your family, then you are ready to dive in to the "Jokes: Funny Jokes, Riddles & Stories for Kids" bundle, today!
Volume 2 of the Chubby Trilogy, Chance Chasers follows Carrolyyn Davidson on a journey into the unthinkable. Her compulsions take a dangerous shift as Carrolyyn suffers one tragic loss after another. Will JJ be able to save her? What has become of Derq? Has Ready Richard really replaced Derq Extreme? All these questions will be answered Thanksgiving weekend. Pre order available October 24, 2015.
It's the fall of 2003 and Perry Walsh is entering her freshman year of college. She quickly meets the handsome Ben Brown, a chance encounter that will forever alter the course of her life. As if navigating her connection with another human being isn't hard enough, throw in the realities of campus living: a roommate with a promise ring, regrettable one-night stands, amateur drug deals, and the age-old question of whether or not to sixty-nine with a complete stranger.
From an outsider's perspective, Perry is a party girl who is somewhat detached from reality and unconcerned with the consequences of her actions. But deep down Perry is slowly unraveling, battling a nagging feeling of emptiness even a picture perfect relationship cannot seem to fix. Confronted with mounting insecurities during her post-collegiate life in Manhattan, Perry realizes that her emotions may be manifesting into something more than she can handle. Unsure of where to turn, her inner struggle ultimately leads to a ...
"Emails from Ireland"
Dit is identies dieselfde boek as "Vonkpos uit Ierland".
I Wynand Johannes Wentzel, take you, Linda Joyce Boyd, to be my wife, my partner in life and my one true love... but that only came later, much later:
1711 days and 71 emails later to be precise.
The intention was never to group all my emails 'home' into a single document.
That also came much later... only after Ireland became my 'home'!
My way of giving something back to this the most beautiful wee island in the whole wide world:
Fri 11/08/2006 13:47 - I have discovered that certain things work and others should be left alone.
Mon 18/09/2006 15:45 - A paperless society based on paper!
Fri 14/11/2008 11:05 - And there I was thinking that Australia is still only inhabited by convicts.
Thu 16/04/2009 09:28 - There are really lots to mediate about in Ulster.
Tue 30/06/2009 09:45 - A funny lot the Brits.
Mon 18/01/2010 17:39 - The land of milk and honey this is. And bread, snacks, buns, a lake of ...
A group of elderly and bored aristocrats have taken to stealing rare and priceless items to pass the time. A young man named Richard gets swept up in their world when he gets engaged to the daughter of the dangerously unpredictable Lord Rochdale.
Although Richard in not particularly comfortable with theft, or much of the roguish behaviour that goes with it, he must prove to Rochdale that he has scoundrel potential in order to marry his daughter and, more importantly, stay alive.
With the help of a disgruntled horse and a genius street urchin Richard haphazardly stumbles his way through Rochdale's trials and not only survives but gains respect (although he's not entirely sure how).
Now all he has to do is steal a priceless bottle of whiskey.
"Anyone disappointed that Hugh Laurie's second novel never turned up will be glad they picked up The Accidental Scoundrel and gave it a damn good reading." - Jem Roberts, author of the upcoming official Fry and Laurie biography, Soupy ...
Walking into The Elder Tree pub alone to have a celebratory drink after he is cleared of gross misconduct with a student, teacher Harvey Damon unwittingly crashes the hen party of his first love, Amy Galen. Meanwhile, the landlord, Norman Last, is a troubled man: not only is he having to deal with the rowdy and intimidating hen party; but his pregnant wife fears she is experiencing a miscarriage; the police are denying passage in or out of the pub, having cornered an armed robber in the jeweller's next door; and the landlord cannot even down a drink because in her silent hysteria, his wife insists that, for the first time ever, they are to observe Lent.
For some of the customers, being forced to remain in The Elder Tree is heaven-sent but for Amy Galen and her hen party of 'angels', her 'last night of freedom' is proving anything but. As evening turns into a very long night, relationships and friendships are tested and forged, as traumas and betrayals are exposed. But the hens are ...
Here's what you, the brave reader, need to know. Fire Down Below has a sequel. I know; everyone's super surprised that Amazon allowed me to keep the poop-your-pants book up all this time.
In Fire in the Hole, Dove's sausage-loving neighbor has realized he's wildly in love with her lurchingly awkward butt. Johnson is the pharmacist of her dreams until he tells her over Twitter -- goddamnit -- that he has plans with an ex-girlfriend. Duke scrapes Dove off her apartment floor and takes her to his cousin's wedding. As Pissboy and Cross-eyed Knockers tie the knot, Duke could just kick himself in the balls when he sees Johnson and Beth at the same venue driving Dove insane with jealousy.
Will Dove give up everything, even her self-esteem, to get Johnson's johnson between her legs? Or will the scent of spiced meat inspire Dove to rip off Duke's sausage-and-egg underwear forever?
Yup. I can publish this. No law against it... yet.
"Reading this book will give you haemorrhoids." ...
SOLVING COLOR PICTURE PUZZLES IS A GREAT WAY TO INCREASE VISUAL INTELLIGENCE. MOST PICTURES ARE TAKEN ON A CIRCLE LINE TOUR OF MANHATTAN. EACH PUZZLE HAS 10 DIFFERENCES WHICH YOU HAVE TO SPOT AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE. SOLUTIONS ARE GIVEN FOR ALL PUZZLES. As indicated on the cover, this book contains fifty picture puzzles designed to improve your IQ. The original and altered pictures (10 changes) appear on the same page, making a side-by-side comparison possible. When you glance at the photos, they will look identical. However, a more careful look reveals 10 differences.
It doesn't matter whether you are at home, at the airport waiting or your flight, or relaxing on vacation, these puzzles can be worked anywhere. They will:
?challenge your powers of observation.
?stimulate your ability to concentrate and focus.
?provide hours of entertainment.
How to Solve
Have your own routine for solving - one that works for you. Remember, your routine is as individual as you are. Don't hesitate to ...
How well do you know your colours? Test your knowledge or run your own quiz with this Quizmaster book about colours.
There are 200 questions on a wide variety of themes including Birds, In the Sea and Food, all with a link to colours.
Challenge yourself and enjoy answering a range of fun, interesting and curious questions! Challenge yourself and enjoy answering a range of fun, interesting and curious questions! Ideal resource for family entertainment, pub quizzes and fund raising events.
How could anybody abandon a dog like Gizmo... ?
When loveable Labradoodle, Gizmo, is uprooted from his home in cold, grey, muddy England to start a new life in Tenerife, he's stoic. But just when he's learnt the local woof-speak and survived an out-of-botty experience at the vet he's abandoned on the mean streets of Costa del Scorchio.
Every day's a struggle. His soulmate, Katie, is snatched from him. He's captured and nearly torn apart in El Bastardo's dog-fighting ring... But Gizmo's a survivor. He's a spokesmutt for the underdog and a canine philosopher.
You'll learn how his universe works. How dogs invented the internet ('SmellNet'), email ('SmellMail') and wifi ('Whiffy'). And you'll celebrate their dogged, Zen-like stoicism in the face of human stupidity, indifference, and cruelty.
With a cast of wonderful woofers and a story that's the mutt's nuts, NOBODY'S POODLE is the dog's danglies of a book!
An historical record of the most turbulent period in U.K policing. It will make you laugh, it will make you cry and it will make you understand why the once finest police force in the world is now on its knees. Do senior officers like those in Spamford really exist? Unfortunately they exist in every single police force in Britain.
Debs was hardly a person you'd expect to do triathlons - at 41, borderline obese and diabetic she really should have considered a more appropriate mid life crisis.
However, despite her failings and lack of any form of sporting prowess she decided "what the hell" and gave it a shot. Living proof that if she could train for a triathlon anyone can.
This Novelette follows the first part of her remarkable and surprising journey into becoming the Unlikely Triathlete.
Follow comedian Gabriel Rutledge on an occasionally-uncomfortable, always-funny look at the life of a modern road comic as he continues his climb toward the middle of the pack.
Equal parts incisive and intimate, Rutledge relates -- in hilarious detail -- the challenges and struggles of raising a family and pursuing a comedy career, all while battling the horrors of the comedy condo, the slow death of performing to a captive nursing home audience, and the nightmare of air travel with a fellow comedian who just can't pick up on social cues.
With his customary wit and searing honesty, Rutledge -- 2004 winner of the Seattle International Comedy Competition -- pulls back the curtain on his life, his family, his art, and probably more about his bathroom habits than he should.
Sometimes laughter hurts, but then again, happiness isn't funny.
Genre: Humour Length: 164 Pages (914 KB) Lending: Not Enabled Added: Mar 31st, 2020
From the earliest of times, leaders encouraged groups of people to accomplish difficult tasks. Issues associated with maintaining high levels of morale were critical to the success of the tasks at hand. During the 1930's, an Admiral seeks advice from a psychologist in regard to maintaining high levels of morale among sailors serving long tours at sea. A male and two female naval officers lead a team in a clinical trial to determine the effectiveness of a doctor's recommended cures to raise morale and cure homesickness.
Genre: Humour Length: 114 Pages (267 KB) Lending: Not Enabled Added: Mar 31st, 2020
Sometimes Inspiration is Found in the Most Unlikely Places...
To say that fifteen-year-old Cooper isn't thrilled about the idea of spending his entire summer with his grandfather at The Last Stop retirement home is the understatement of the century. The fact that he has to work there for the privilege of sleeping on his grandfather's couch only adds insult to injury.
The folks at the retirement home aren't too sure about him, either. His hair is forever hanging in his eyes, for one, and he seems determined to go the entire summer without uttering a single word. While they are trying to keep an open mind, Cooper is doing nothing to change their opinion that youth is just an unfortunate stage to becoming an old person.
But something surprising happens over the course of the summer, forcing everyone involved to reevaluate their opinion of the opposing generation.
In this, the third installment of The Last Stop series, the whole gang is here: Amato, the boisterous chef, who Cooper has ...
Genre: Humour Length: 175 Pages (438 KB) Lending: Not Enabled Added: Mar 31st, 2020
Turns out being a monster hunter is a lot of hard work and study. Who knew?
My training to become a world-renowned monster hunter had begun, but there was a lot standing in my way. From a drunken, last leprechaun in existence, an overgrown shank-happy big toe-shaped monster, to a murderous queen of the monsters set on overthrowing the Overworld and slaying all humanity. The prey got bigger and the pay smaller.
War was coming. It was time to unlock my powers and become a true monster hunter before it's too late. No pressure or anything.
Genre: Humour Length: 256 Pages (1,237 KB) Lending: Not Enabled Added: Mar 31st, 2020
Humorous, Inspirational Short Stories!
52 humorous and inspirational short stories, one for each week of the year. These stories are taken from the popular column, Life's Outtakes. From All's Well, a story of a community pulling together to help a family in need, to the humor of a practical joke gone awry in The April Fool's Joke these stories will keep you laughing or help you think more deeply about what matters most. The story list is:
• The Ten Speed Bike
• Teaching Children How To Work
• The New Football Coach
• Trains, Schedules, and Luggage
• Airline Security
• Children And Water Bottles
• All's Well Here
• The Halloween Carnival
• Ordering Food In Peru
• The World's Most Persistent Salesperson
• Ice-Cream Bars And Latin Princesses
• A Belated Thank You
• Never Ask What Else Can Go Wrong
• Black Friday And Other Misnomers
• Wrapping Christmas Presents
• Our Second Little Christmas Angel
• Credit ...
Genre: Humour Length: 133 Pages (1,343 KB) Lending: Not Enabled Added: Mar 31st, 2020
George Horace Lorimer's More Letters From A Self-Made Merchant To His Son is a sequel to his widely popular Letters From A Self-Made Merchant To His Son, and offers fourteen more hilarious letters from Old Gorgon Graham, a prosperous pork-packer in Chicago, to his son, Pierrepont, whom he 'affectionately' calls 'Piggy.'
George Horace Lorimer was an American journalist and author best known as the editor of The Saturday Evening Post. During his editorial reign, the Post rose from a circulation of several thousand to over a million. He is credited with promoting or discovering a large number of American writers like Jack London.
Genre: Humour Length: 105 Pages (450 KB) Lending: Not Enabled Added: Mar 31st, 2020
Darren Finnegan's life is sliding down the toilet, dumped by his first love on the eve of graduating with his sociology degree, with the looming prospect of long term unemployment or joining his dad on his bin lorry back home in Wigan. Darren stumbles upon the idea of teaching English in South Korea as the desperate answer to his prayers whilst searching for jobs online.
However, a seemingly good idea hatched from afar and cold, hard reality clash when Darren arrives in a town in the middle of the Korean countryside to work for his boss, the unrelenting and unforgiving Mr Kim, the self-made owner of 'Kim's Magic English School', a Vietnam Veteran topped with a white Stetson hat who seems to delight in making Darren's life a misery.
Add to the mix disruptive students, scheming, passive aggressive colleagues and all the trials and tribulations of culture shock and adjustment. This is the the story of Darren Finnegan, a British ESL teacher living and working in South Korea over the ...
Genre: Humour Length: 238 Pages (1,490 KB) Lending: Not Enabled Added: Mar 31st, 2020